aku yang bisu

aku tidak pandai menyusun kata hanya mampu berdiam sahaja meski hati terhiris luka hanya tangisan kadangkala menceritakan semua namun tiada yang bisa membaca yang tersirat disebalik air mata melalui tulisan yang menjadi suara dalam diam luahan yang takkan orang tau atau peduli itulah aku yg bisu

if

if you want someone to know that they are special in your heart,treat her /him extra special mmake her/him feel special.if you treat them more or less like  you treat others, that's mean her/him is not that special for you. they are same just like the others.

tentang saya

saya memang seorang yg lurus bendul. kadang2 saya akan dahulukan org lain tanpa memikirkn diri sendri. kadang2 saya akan biarkan sahaja orang mengambil kesempatan biarpun saya tahu. saya tak pandai nak pertahankan hak saya dan suarakan isi hati saya. kadang2 saya biarkan orang orang pijak2 saya. mungkin saya bodoh dan lemah.saya takut nanti bila saya bersuara,orang akan slh fhm.kerana seringkali begitu. saya tak pandai nak susun kata2. kadangkala tersalah ckp dan buat org marah. walaupun niat saya hanya nak memberitahu. saya tak punya kekuatan untuk ckp depan2. sebab saya takut kena marah. saya lemah,penakut n lurus bendul. xmampu nak lindungi diri sendri. saya perlu org membantu saya tingkatkan keberanian dan keyakinan diri.jangan marahi saya. tidak mudah itu sayai boleh berdiri setelah semua yg berlaku.tolong saya. jadilah kekuatan saya. jangan marahi saya. kerana itu hanya melemahkan lg semangat saya. sekian..

untitled

"sometime i told myself that 'it is okay to cry ...' if that is the only way to comfort yourself..when you feel that you are left behind..no 1 care..

mendung di hati

kadangkala kita terasa kita sudah melakukan sebesar-besar pengorbanan untuk yang tersayang...tetapi rupanya masih tak mencukupi...kadangkala terasa seperti segalanya tidak dihargai, tetapi tak mampu meluahkan kerana takut kita sendiri yang buta dan tak mampu melihat pengorbanan dan layanan yang baik terhadap kita...kadangkala lidah kelu untuk berkata, sedangkan dalam hati terluka, hanya mampu memandang dan mengukir senyum manis dibibir, mengharapkan mereka faham akan isi hati...kadangkala kita harus menerima hakikat, bahawa kita sememangnya bersendirian di dunia ini, yang lain hanya bersifat sementara. yang sentiasa ada hanya diri kita sendiri tempat bergantung dan mengadu selain daripada Tuhan yang Esa, kadangkala terasa diri ini tidak cukup bagus dan tidak cukup sempurna jika dibanding dengan yang lain...yang jauh lebih sempurna....

tak kira macam mana kita mencuba,hasilnya tak selalu seperti yang kita harapkan. cara yang terbaik, kita harus belajar untuk memberi tanpa mengharapkan balasan apa-apa...belajar erti keikhlasan yang sebenarnya...bunyinya seakan mudah tetapi sukar dilakukan...

sememangnya lumrah manusia, selagi benda di depan mata mereka takkan pernah menghargai dan menyedari kehadiran dan kepentingannya, sehinggalah saat mereka kehilangan...ada yang bernasib baik, akan mendapat peluang kedua, dan yang tidak, yang pergi terus pergi...

p/s: kadangkala benda yang kita anggap biasa, tutur kata yang biasa boleh melukakan hati seseorang tanpa kita sedari...

gambar hiasan

my fear and my tears

Found this meaningful poem when searching for poem that can describe my feeling right now 

... my biggest fear ever...

My Fears

© Samantha Medlin

Getting left behind

Not being loved

No one understanding

No one caring

are

my fears

I had a dream 

I was lost

No one tried to 

find me

No one cared

No one listened

understood

Feeling left out

Feeling like no one 

understands

Feeling like No one 

can hear me

When I’m screaming 

to be heard

Destructive behavior

I have

Wishing I could change

Wishing I could make it

better

Wishing for another chance

Wishing for someone who 

will come and save me

from myself.

my fears

not being heard

being left behind

not being understood

no one caring.

how can I

disappear

make people

understand.

Disappear from

this world

Show people what

It’s like to

worry, misunderstand

not care.

my fears,

people laugh

people tease

people misjudge 

people misunderstand 

me.

Behind my back,

they laugh,

tease,

hurt,

so I can't see

them. It hurts.

Now,

I hide this

pain 

in my heart

making sure

No one sees

my hurt,

Pretending to be

someone 

I'm not.

Trying so hard

to fit in

to cover the 

scars, trying

so hard,

to be liked

by you.

My feelings

disappearing

No regrets

Hoping no one 

resents me.

After my dream 

ended 

I wondered...

What am I leaving..

When I leave here?

The pain

I've caused the hurt

the disappointments

The worries

Hoping, now

people understand

people miss

people hear me

and others 

Forgetting all,

all the pain, and hurt

I learned to hide

inside

buried deep in

my heart. No way

out

My fears...are these

source; http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/

p/s: this poem, describe totally how I feel the feeling that I can't express in word myself, the feeling perhaps no one can understand the pain and deep scar that still bleeding from time to time,that I have in my heart.

(don't) put the blame on me

I'm sorry if I unable to forgive
for I have badly hurt before

I'm sorry if I unable to trust
for I have been betrayed before

I'm sorry if I unable to show my love
for I have been push away before

I'm sorry if I unable to share my problems
for I have been neglected before

I'm sorry if I unable to give you more
for I am still struggling and fighting to stand once more

I'm sorry
and I hope
you will understand
that I'm still trying
to bring back
my pieces of heart and soul
together again~

hurt~less

when heart finally choose not to care
it become hurt (heart) less

i am a clown

i am clown

with a smiley mask

joking and laughing

here and there

make everyone laugh

and forget all their problems

i am a clown

that nobody care

nobody know

always get to left behind

only can look from distance far

others happiness and joyfulness

i am a clown

behind the mask

left only tears

waiting to fall 

in the dark

when no one hear

i am a clown

happy face i bare

while inside no one could feel

its hurtful, its real

the pain i couldn't longer feel

falling into pieces i am

waiting for a hand to help me to stand

waiting for a shoulder for me to weep

waiting for a hope that can make me shine again

i'm still waiting~don't leave me alone~cuz i hate how it feels~to be left behind~again and again

forgotten ...

alone ...

sad ...

forgotten ...

no one care though~

cruel cruel cruel world

living in cruel world
where promises are made to be broken
sweet talk can become poison
broken heart for no reason

sigh~

tears has become my best friend
laughter can no where been seen
wound in heart become deepen
and.all of this never seem to end

is there any hope, so i can risen
try to walk but yet i'm fallin'
no one seem to trying
to pick me up once again

sigh~